COLUMBUS, OH—Calling it a “fun, hydraulic-powered way” to support curves of all shapes and sizes, Victoria’s Secret introduced Friday a new sexy push-up jack for maximum lift. “Made from a combination of polyester lace, breathable microfiber, and titanium steel, the Victoria’s Secret sexy push-up jack is guaranteed to lift up to 5,000 lbs of breast and look amazing doing it,” said spokesperson Amy Slack, adding that the loading saddles in their flirtatious “Steel Pump Collection” came in many styles, sizes, and colors. “Simply place it on the ground, crank to your desired cup size, and voila—the results speak for themselves. Then, when you’re done, slowly lower your breasts, lubricate the pressure points with our patented pink oil, release trapped air from the jack, and put the device into your garage for the night.” At press time, Victoria’s Secret had added a LED to the jack so women could brighten up their cleavage.
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