PARIS—With angry residents claiming that the recent tax hikes on fuel were negatively impacting their way of life, violence reportedly erupted across France over the weekend as citizens protested the high cost of refilling crème brûlée torches. “If that miser [President Emmanuel] Macron does not decrease these cruel taxes soon, how are we supposed to eat?” said Pontoise resident Mathieu Desmarais, one of thousands of citizens who flooded into the nation’s capital to demonstrate against the government’s war on crème brûlée caramelization, holding up a homemade poster with a picture of unbrowned sugar topping a soggy, inedible dessert. “Our stomachs are as empty as our butane canisters! Quelle horreur! We see you rich bastards with enough fuel in your torches to properly crisp the sugar on your crème brûlées, to lightly brown the meringue on your pies, to form the crust on your gratins, and we will stand for it no longer!” At press time, French police had mobilized after reports that outraged protestors were attempting to loot a pastry shop after hurling empty crème brûlée torches and ramekins filled with custard at the windows.

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