MANCHESTER, NH—Pleasantly surprised that the whole crew had dropped by to give a shout, exchange high-fives, and facilitate his body’s metabolic processes, local man Jake Honnold confirmed Monday morning that Vitamin C and the Nutrient Gang had made a rare and unexpected appearance in his breakfast. “I reach into the cupboard, open up a new box of cereal, and—say, what do you know?—it’s our old friend Vitamin C, and he’s brought along his boisterous band of 11 essential vitamins and minerals to start my day off right!” said the 32-year-old programmer, who reportedly let out a whoop upon seeing the entire B-vitamin Brigade somersault out of the box and into his bowl, from Old Man Thiamine right on down to that spunky Lil’ Folic Acid. “We have quite a distinguished gathering of breakfast all-stars out on the table this morning. That’s Potassium over there in our tall glass of OJ, holding court with the Antioxidants, and… Hey, I just sliced up a banana, and damned if I didn’t run smack dab into our good pal Dietary Fiber! Well, get on in that bowl and get ready to hip-hooray for the big splash of calcium coming right at you from this here carton of 2%. Man, this is so nice. I don’t see these guys nearly as often as I should, but breakfast is always a wholesome, healthy good time when the gang stops by!” At press time, sources reported Vitamin D had joined the party and really started to shake things up after Honnold ventured outside and received his first direct sunlight in months.
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