Hot off the success of the Dishonored series, Arkane Studios is showing us what they can do with their first truly next-gen experience. Unfortunately, while Deathloop might be a graphical tour-de-force for the PlayStation 5, it ultimately failed to satisfy after we beat the game on our first try, since it was way too easy for gamers like us.
It might be a good release to play if you’re, say, a baby who’s never played a video game before. But for veteran video game fanatics like ourselves? It was a total cakewalk. Too bad.
Set on the island of Blackreef, Deathloop puts you in the boots of Colt Vahn, an assassin determined to break out of his daylong time loop by taking out 12 targets known as Visionaries. Fail to do this or die, and you must start the day over. It’s a novel mechanic, albeit one we never experienced since we’re really, really good at video games and couldn’t even die if we tried.
We played on the hardest difficulty, too. It still didn’t hold a candle to our prodigious gaming abilities. That’s fine. We didn’t expect that it would.
The single-player campaign lasts roughly 10 hours for a typical gamer, and about 15 minutes for veritable gaming ninjas like ourselves. That’s what you get from years of honing hair-trigger reflexes and lightning-fast response times, though. We don’t really blame Arkane. How could they know their title would be reviewed by godlike masters of the video game medium such as ourselves?
We could probably use those same skills to beat someone in a fight in real life, too. Who knows? All we’re saying is you wouldn’t want to pit yourself against us in the digital world or the real one.
Of course, what we’re describing won’t be the average gamer’s experience with Deathloop. For example, we beat FromSoftware’s notorious action-RPG Bloodborne in a few hours without dying once. Did you do that? Probably not, and that’s okay. Not everyone can be as talented as us.
You might have heard that quote, “As flies to wanton boys are we to the gods; they kill us for their sport”? That’s what the enemies in Deathloop were to us. And no number of simple-to-solve puzzles or yawn-inducing platform sections could ever change that.
We’re not trying to brag, obviously. These are all just statements of fact. Simply put, we’re incredible at video games. It isn’t just shooters, either: racing games, JRPGs, fighters—we can compete at the highest level in all of them.
But, hey, your mileage may vary. And if you’re looking for a video game that we could have literally completed in our sleep with no difficulty whatsoever, then maybe Deathloop is the perfect purchase for you.