In an effort to ease fear and alleviate boredom, the pornography site CamSoda is offering free webcam sessions to the 3,700 passengers and crew trapped aboard the Diamond Princess, a cruise ship that has been quarantined for nearly a week after 135 guests tested positive for coronavirus. What do you think?

“The onboard entertainment must be pretty bad then, huh?”

Dion Aleman • Guitar Tuner

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“Premium pornography is a classic remedy that my family has used for generations.”

Stacy Hill • Zamboni Mechanic

“Sorry, but as a Christian, I believe that man was only meant to ejaculate on land.”

Roy Luna • Junior Loan Officer

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