Attending a wedding comes with its own set of social graces. The Onion provides a list of basic rules of etiquette for being a polite, congenial wedding guest:

  • Spare the bride and groom the logistical headache of tracking all those RSVP cards by simply showing up.
  • Feel free to purchase a wedding gift that the couple has not included in their registry, but be advised that they might already have a hacksaw they’re happy with.
  • Speak up about dietary issues in advance. Most caterers are happy to provide extra protein if you’re in the middle of an epic bulking cycle.
  • Remember not to smash cake into the bride’s face until the groom has had the first shot at it.
  • It’s generally considered impolite to take advantage of an open bar past the point of recouping your flight and hotel costs.
  • Do your best to make conversation with whomever is seated at your table. They’re bound to have as much good dirt on the bride as you do.
  • Let the hosts know if you must cancel at the last minute so they can take the proper measures to cut you out of their lives.
  • If they do that gross thing with the garter, just go with it. This is their day.

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