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Well-Meaning Mouse Wouldn’t Really Call Self A ‘Pest,’ Per Se

Illustration for article titled Well-Meaning Mouse Wouldn’t Really Call Self A ‘Pest,’ Per Se

BEND, OR—Calling the rodent control industry's less-than-flattering characterizations of him “unfounded” and “hurtful,” a well-meaning mouse told reporters Tuesday that he wouldn’t really go so far as to call himself a “pest,” per se. “I know I’m not always the most considerate neighbor, but by no means should we be throwing around the term ‘pest’ like I’m some repulsive troublemaker,” said the home dwelling creature, adding that he had always likened himself to more of a quiet houseguest than anything else, albeit one with "a few minor flaws here and there." “This is more than just a house, its a home, and to be honest I always thought the homeowner and I had a really good thing going here. There’s no way I’m going to get kicked to the curb just because someone thinks of me as some lowly vermin without taking time to get to know me. If they give me another chance, they’ll see.” The well intentioned mouse went on to clarify that he was all for evicting the nearby colony of European crane flies, clarifying that “those guys are the real monsters.”

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