Wide Receiver, Denver Broncos
Strengths: Always willing to take one for the team that results in permanent brain trauma; Runs routes that are imperceptible to the human eye
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Weaknesses: Demaryius Thomas, Eric Decker; Tangibles
College: Who gives a shit
First Football: 1973 Ford Spiral
Home: Lives with wife inside spacious five-bedroom boot
Biggest Fear: Known only to Bill Belichick
Lifelong Dream: Catching an easy pass from Tom Brady while wide open during the fourth quarter of Super Bowl XLVI
Vehicle: Tiny carriage pulled by six mice