LOS ANGELES—Picketing outside a cemetery in Los Angeles today, members of the Westboro Baptist Church confirmed to reporters that they actually aren’t entirely sure why they chose to protest the funeral of television actor Allan Arbus. “Wait, who is this guy again? Some sort of TV star?” said church member Jill Holland while trying to find any real reason whatsoever why the death of Arbus, a fashion-photographer-turned-actor best known for his role as Dr. Freedman in the popular sitcom M*A*S*H, was God’s way of punishing America for its moral decay and cultural decadence. “As far as I know, he wasn’t gay or bisexual, or the victim of a high-profile mass shooting or terror attack, or an American soldier killed in combat or anything like that. In fact, I’m pretty sure we’re just holding ‘God Hates Fags’ signs outside the funeral of some 95-year-old man who used to be on television for a while.” At press time, church members had overheard that Arbus was of Jewish descent and said, “Okay, well, that’s something.”
We may earn a commission from links on this page.