With two months until the inauguration of Donald Trump, many Americans are wondering what his term will look like and what his administration might accomplish. The Onion answers some common questions about Trump’s upcoming presidency:
A: Trump will preserve a woman’s right to choose between vaginal delivery or cesarean section.
A: All journalists will retain their right to a fair trial and court-appointed attorney.
A: Voters have already decided this does not matter.
A: Trump has not shared any details about how he will escalate conflicts overseas.
A: Jesus Christ, we can’t be worrying about them right now.
A: Nah. You’re going to be weirded out every day.
A: I’m sorry, which climate policy are you referring to, exactly?
A: What? No. Do you just think that about everyone?
A: You’ll be fine so long as you identify as an estate.
A: If this is what you’re worried about, things are probably going to be just fine for you.
A: Not great. But thanks for asking.