What Infowars Viewers Are Saying About The Alex Jones Trial

What Infowars Viewers Are Saying About The Alex Jones Trial

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Far-right conspiracy theorist Alex Jones has been ordered by a jury to pay $965 million to the families of victims of the Sandy Hook school shooting. The Onion asked Infowars viewers what they thought about the verdict, and this is what they said.

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Alfonso Baker (Sales Associate)

Alfonso Baker (Sales Associate)

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“If he wants me to give him more money, all he has to do is ask.”

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Steve Reynolds (Computer Programmer)

Steve Reynolds (Computer Programmer)

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“I’ve been disappointed by Infowars’ liberal bias so have been following on OANN.”

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Ken Applebaum (Waiter)

Ken Applebaum (Waiter)

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“Who’s to say the trial even happened?”

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Zach Griffith (Photographer)

Zach Griffith (Photographer)

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“I have a feeling those same parents from the Sandy Hook hoax are behind this.”

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Reptilio XCV (Lizard Person King)

Reptilio XCV (Lizard Person King)

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“Honestly, this is a big win for us.”

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Lance Peterson (Mechanic)

Lance Peterson (Mechanic)

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“Alex Jones says it’s all a sham, and if there’s one person you can trust to be fair and impartial about a trial, it’s the person being sued.”

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Owen Shroyer (Infowars Host)

Owen Shroyer (Infowars Host)

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“The best way to confront this assault on our First Amendment rights is to buy Infowars Life Super Male Vitality (2 ounce) Natural Stamina, Endurance, and Strength Booster Liquid Drops! The Super Male Vitality formula uses the latest neurochemical extraction technology with even stronger concentrations of ionic alpha extracts designed for peak virility. Get yours for 35% off when you use the code ‘GLOBALIST’ at checkout.”

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Henry Garrison (Neuroscientist)

Henry Garrison (Neuroscientist)

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“It’s not as entertaining as the average Infowars episode, but it’s not bad.”

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Kurt Griffin (Unemployed)

Kurt Griffin (Unemployed)

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“The Deep State just can’t stand to see a white man succeed.”

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Donald Westcott (Inside Sales Representative)

Donald Westcott (Inside Sales Representative)

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“I hate [racial slur].”

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Gordon Smith (Cashier)

Gordon Smith (Cashier)

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“If they bankrupt Infowars, then where will I get my medicine?”

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Janice Rawlings (Caterer)

Janice Rawlings (Caterer)

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“They’re only attacking him in a legal battle because they couldn’t kill him with their weather machine.”

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Buck Lewis (Truck Driver)

Buck Lewis (Truck Driver)

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“Just another example of the lizard people’s unholy influence on Connecticut’s compensatory damage appeal process.”

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Owen Daily (Train Conductor)

Owen Daily (Train Conductor)

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“Oh, please, who among us isn’t in the hole for $965 million?”

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Dale Donaldson (Electrician)

Dale Donaldson (Electrician)

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“That wasn’t actually Alex Jones. That was a crisis actor dressed up as a sweating pig wearing a suit.”

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Sabrina Cross (Real Estate Agent)

Sabrina Cross (Real Estate Agent)

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“You’d think this would make me reconsider the deranged propaganda that has been separating me from reality for years, but nope.”

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Allison Hill (Secretary)

Allison Hill (Secretary)

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“If you think this means I’ll stop sending death threats to the victims’ parents, you’ve got another thing coming.”

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Dave Creaver (Dog Trainer)

Dave Creaver (Dog Trainer)

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“Oh, that’s Alex Jones? I didn’t recognize him with a shirt on.”

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