What’s Behind The Recent Increase In Reports Of Fireworks?

Illustration for article titled What’s Behind The Recent Increase In Reports Of Fireworks?

Social media users in cities across the country have posted anecdotal reports that there seem to be many more fireworks than normal, leading city officials, law enforcement, and residents alike to speculate on their source. The Onion looks at the most logical explanations for a recent spike in fireworks.



Morale-boosting performance by Air Force bottle rocket squadron.

Ryan’s stepdad hooked up more people with professional-grade shit this year.

That was some kiss!

People have nothing better to do these days than listen carefully.

Immersive advertising campaign to get nation pumped for Fourth of July.

Reduced noise pollution levels making night sky’s natural barrage of mortars three times more audible.

Good old-fashioned patriotism. 

Fireworks set off to train police not to startle at loud noise made by partner shooting unarmed civilian.

Occasional natural phenomenon of moon rolling over bubble wrap.

Who’s going to stop us?