The Green New Deal, a set of proposals aimed at combating climate change, is being championed by many progressive leaders, although its detractors say it is unrealistic and economically unfeasible. The Onion takes a deep dive into the Green New Deal to look at its most significant policy items.
10-year plan to phase out all Baby Boomers
Enough infrastructure revitalization proposals to satisfy the biggest bridge nuts
15 additional trees (location TBD)
WWII-style mobilization to invade, occupy, and overthrow the sun
Force oil companies to pay more than usual to control outcome of 2020 elections
Mandatory confiscation of all firearms
Plans to make water drinkable and non-toxic all over the U.S., not just the wealthy parts
Parents will only be allowed one regular child and one clean-burning child
Ban on kites to increase supply of farmable wind
Does it even matter? You’ve already decided how you feel about it.