What’s In The Green New Deal

We may earn a commission from links on this page.
Image for article titled What’s In The Green New Deal

The Green New Deal, a set of proposals aimed at combating climate change, is being championed by many progressive leaders, although its detractors say it is unrealistic and economically unfeasible. The Onion takes a deep dive into the Green New Deal to look at its most significant policy items.

10-year plan to phase out all Baby Boomers

Enough infrastructure revitalization proposals to satisfy the biggest bridge nuts


15 additional trees (location TBD)

WWII-style mobilization to invade, occupy, and overthrow the sun

Force oil companies to pay more than usual to control outcome of 2020 elections

Mandatory confiscation of all firearms

Plans to make water drinkable and non-toxic all over the U.S., not just the wealthy parts


Parents will only be allowed one regular child and one clean-burning child

Ban on kites to increase supply of farmable wind

Does it even matter? You’ve already decided how you feel about it.