Disney unveiled the trailer for its live-action adaptation of its 1991 film Beauty And The Beast, which comes out in March 2017. Here’s what viewers have to look forward to:
Filmmakers to further explore candlestick’s insatiable passion for feather duster
Emma Watson puts her theatrical range to the test by portraying a lovely girl who reads a lot
While all characters will now be portrayed by humans, vocals will all still be performed by cartoons
Footrest walking around like a dog in full, horrific 3D
Fully reimagined Beast character rewritten from misunderstood loner into sullen anti-hero
Inclusion of brand-new song by Alan Menken and Tim Rice called “Hey Hey, I’m The Beast”
Approximately 90 minutes of entertainment
State-of-the-art CGI to render Gaston’s biceps even more sculpted
At least three more of these things if it nabs over $400 million domestically
Moral of story still roughly that ugly people do not deserve love