House Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s trip to Taiwan has led to heightened tensions between China and the U.S. over the island’s political status. The Onion tells you everything you need to know about Pelosi visiting Taiwan.
Q: Why is Pelosi traveling to Taiwan?
A: Taiwan has always been on her bucket list of places she’s wanted to escalate foreign tensions.
Q: Why is China against the trip?
A: Chinese leaders are concerned about the negative impact of excessive air travel on the planet.
Q: Why do the trip now?
A: Words cannot describe the beauty of Taipei in August.
Q: What does Pelosi hope to accomplish with her visit?
A: Foster a better understanding of how her semiconductor stocks are performing.
Q: How is China responding?
A: With a total bloodbath of harsh rhetoric that the U.S. will never recover from.
Q: Are the Chinese reading too much into U.S. policy?
A: Yes, they need to understand that the majority of American lawmakers don’t even know what Taiwan is.
Q: What is Pelosi’s message to the Taiwanese people?
A: She sincerely hopes they vote Democrat in the midterms.
Q: Will escalating tensions affect the Little League World Series team Taipei is sending to Williamsport this year?
A: Lord, we hope not. Have you seen how well Liao Kuan-shu is pitching?
Q: How has President Biden responded?
A: Biden took serious issue with Pelosi’s plan to visit Taipei’s Ming Fu restaurant, which he has long maintained doesn’t deserve its Michelin star.
Q: Does Taiwan even want Pelosi to come?
A: Who gives a shit what Taiwan thinks? This is about us and China.