The 2022 FIFA World Cup, which kicked off Sunday and continues through Dec. 18, met with more controversy than usual due to the actions of host nation Qatar. The Onion answers your most pressing questions about the 2022 World Cup.
Q: Which countries are competing?
A: Croatia and some other, lesser ones.
Q: How did a small country like Qatar secure the rights to host?
A: They made the most well-researched and compelling bribe.
Q: Why was the World Cup rescheduled for winter?
A: Summer temperatures in Qatar are only fit for indentured migrant workers.
Q: How long are the matches?
A: There are two regulation halves lasting 45 minutes each that produce two or three minutes of highlights you can watch later instead.
Q: Is there an American team to root for?
A: Definitely for the first few days.
Q: Who are some players to watch?
A: Croatian striker Bruno Petković, Croatian defender Josip Šutalo, and Croatian midfielder Kristijan Jakić.
Q: How many people died in constructing the site?
A: Depends on if you consider migrant slaves people.
Q: Why is alcohol banned from stadiums?
A: To challenge fans to get more creative.
Q: Is it true that Qatar imprisons gay people?
A: Maybe America shouldn’t be calling out who does what to gay people right now.
Q: Is there anything else I should—
A: C-R-O-A-T-I-A! CROATIA! CROATIA! GOOOOOOO CROATIA! LIJEPA LI SI! LIJEPA LI SI!