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What To Know About The Canadian Trucker Protests

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A huge protest by Canadian truckers has entered its second week. The Onion answers the most important questions about the Canadian trucker protests.

Q: How did the protests start?
A: A trucker was too embarrassed to admit he’d gotten lost in downtown Ottawa and it just kind of spiraled from there.


Q: What are they protesting?
A: Unconscionable government overreach in trying to keep people from dying from a preventable disease.

Q: How long will they wait until they get what they want?
A: Between outside funding and their ability to go long stretches without bathroom breaks, a while.


Q: What kind of trucks are they and what color and can I drive one someday? 
A: Well aren’t you just adorable!

Q: What do the protestors want?
A: To achieve some vague sense of victory that they can parlay into feeling some vague sense of control over their lives.


Q: Could this kind of protest happen in the United States?
A: No, Americans only use trucks to drive into protestors.

Q: How are they able to leave their trucks in the middle of the road for weeks like this? 
A: Trucks have an extra layer of fat to keep them warm, allowing them to endure longer exposure to winter temperatures.


Q: What do truckers know about vaccine efficacy?
A: Three years of epidemiological training is actually part of getting a Canadian trucking license.

Q: Is Shania Twain okay?
A: God, we hope so.