The U.S. is in the midst of a significant shortage of infant formula, with over 40% of expected supplies currently out of stock, leading to concerns about infant health and outrage from parents. The Onion tells you what you need to know about the infant formula shortage.
Q: What exactly is infant formula?
A: An FDA-regulated, nutrient-rich baby food so important to the development of healthy babies that, should something go wrong in the supply chain, there’s apparently no backup plan.
Q: What caused the formula shortage?
A: Wealthy babies have been hoarding formula in hopes of driving up the price.
Q: How long will the shortage last?
A: If babies can just hold off eating for the next three to five months, suppliers should have a chance to catch up.
Q: Should I purchase infant formula from abroad?
A: No, let the government do that and then resell it to you.
Q: Why can’t women just breastfeed instead?
A: The last American boob was sucked dry in 2019.
Q: What can non-parents do to help?
A: Non-parents don’t know what it’s like to be a parent, so they should sit down and be quiet, and perhaps enjoy a refreshing beverage and read a good book or listen to fine music.
Q: Can I just make my own formula at home?
A: No, as baby formula’s 11 herbs and spices are a tightly guarded trade secret.
Q: How has Biden responded to the shortage?
A: Since when are presidents responsible for handling national crises?
Q: Does this mean my mom will finally stop pressuring me to have children?