The trial for Kyle Rittenhouse, accused of shooting and killing two protesters during a demonstration in August 2020, begins November 1. The Onion tells you what you need to know about the Kyle Rittenhouse trial.
Q: Who is Kyle Rittenhouse?
A: Just an ordinary kid who crossed state lines and killed a couple unarmed people.
Q: Why won’t Judge Bruce E. Schroeder let attorneys refer to the people Rittenhouse shot and killed as “victims”?
A: He maintains it is not yet completely clear whether or not they are dead.
Q: Isn’t Rittenhouse affiliated with the Proud Boys?
A: The jury will please disregard those comments.
Q: The police were mad as hell when this armed vigilante showed up to make a tense situation way worse, right?
A: No, even when they finally figured out he wasn’t a cop himself.
Q: Why is the jury selection process so important?
A: If done right, it will allow the trial to appear fair and impartial.
Q: What is the challenge for his defense team?
A: Getting the bullets from his rifle to testify.
Q: Could a “not guilty” verdict encourage violent right-wing vigilantes?
A: On the off chance any of them still need to be further emboldened, sure.
Q: What will happen to Rittenhouse?
A: Congressman representing Illinois’ 14th District, 2024-2050.