Health experts have raised the alarm about the fast-spreading coronavirus variant XBB1.5, which could drive a new surge of cases. The Onion tells you everything you need to know about covid XBB1.5.
Q: How does XBB1.5 differ from earlier variants?
A: It has a mutation allowing it to make deeper, longer-lasting connections with human cells.
Q: Where is XBB1.5 spreading?
A: Through your body, currently.
Q: Are scientists worried about it?
A: Yes, except for astronomers, who view life in a grander sense and don’t concern themselves with the mere trifles of man.
Q: Why should I be concerned about the spread of XBB1.5?
A: It might negatively impact the final box office of Avatar: The Way Of Water.
Q: Is this variant more harmful than previous ones?
A: It can be dangerous to vulnerable people, but thankfully many of them are already dead.
Q: Which country should our patriots hold responsible?
A: This one started in the United States, so probably China.
Q: What effects will XBB1.5 have when combined with the flu and the surge of RSV?
A: Experts are predicting a golden age of elderly deaths.
Q: How can I protect myself?
A: Whatever you’re already doing should work or not work just fine.