What To Know About The Pandora Papers

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The recent leak of documents dubbed the “Pandora Papers” revealed the largest number of offshore assets in history. The Onion answers key questions about the Pandora Papers.

Q: What are the Pandora Papers? 
A: 10 million documents revealing what chumps the middle class are for paying taxes.


Q: How will the leaks affect implicated politicians?
A: Analysts expect those listed in the papers to be embarrassed about it for a day or two.

Q: Please, please tell me Azerbaijani president Ilham Aliyev isn’t mixed up in all this? 
A: Unfortunately, he is.


Q: Has the reporter who broke this story been murdered yet?
A: No, you’re thinking of the Panama Papers.

Q: Why is South Dakota named as a tax haven? 
A: For its lush, spacious ditches that are excellent for hiding cash.


Q: Should the rest of us pay taxes until this is sorted out?
A: Probably not!

Q: Is everyone on the list evading taxes?
A: Of course not; some are laundering drug money.


Q: According to IRS Tax Code Part 8, Subpart C, §1.220, isn’t it all perfectly legal?
A: Yes, Senator.

Q: Will anything happen from this leak?
A: One or two solid docudramas in 2023.