What To Know About Trump’s Mar-A-Lago Estate

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Pronunciation: Mar-A-Lago

Estimated Value: One human soul

Club Membership Fee: $20 (suggested donation)

Architectural Style: Mid-century gaudy

Notable Amenities: Marble bathrobes

Number Of Bathrooms: 2.5

Club Members Killed Annually By Falling Chandeliers: 23

Standard Room Features: Ocean view, four-post mahogany bed, prayer sign indicating direction of Mecca

Number Of Employees Members Are Allowed To Scream At: 2,500

Average Time Before Trespasser Is Shot: 13 seconds

Housekeeping: None of that bullshit where your towel only gets cleaned if you leave it on the floor


Volume Of Geriatric Ejaculate Dribbled Into Mistresses’ Hands Per Night On Premises: 312 ml

Number Of Presidential Press Conferences That Will Take Place There After A Mass Shooting Or Terrorist Attack: 7


Sordid History: Built by a woman