What To Say If Someone Catcalls You

When a stranger shouts sexually inappropriate comments at you on the street, it’s demoralizing, and it can often be hard to stand up for yourself. If someone catcalls you, don’t back down—say these things to them instead.

“My standards aren’t low enough, but check back 10 years from now.”

Maybe you’ll both be in different places by then.

“Sorry, I’m over 18!”

It’s important to be polite but honest while turning down your would-be wooers.

[Vomit]

Instead of a clever comeback, consider projectile vomiting everywhere so they know just how disgusted you are by their remarks.

“Would you like to come see my band play next weekend?”

Nothing could be more off-putting than a sincere invitation to support your artistic endeavors.

“Carl? Is that you?”

It won’t work most of the time, but when it’s Carl, he’s going to be weirded out for sure!

“Construction unions have been steadily declining in terms of power and membership.”

Nothing cuts deeper than a reminder that their pension is in jeopardy.

“Target coordinates are 40.7128° N, 74.0060° W, deploy drone now.”

Generally speaking, people don’t like it when their exact location is relayed into a walkie-talkie.

“Thank you for finally putting all of my self-esteem issues to rest.”

Sometimes, it takes a comment from a stranger on the sidewalk to accomplish what years of therapy couldn’t.

“Would you mind saying that again so I can record you with my phone, post the video on social media, and ensure that you are properly shamed for this?”

They’ll probably be on board as long as you explain it like this.

“Before I respond, are you the type of guy to kill a woman for rejecting him?”

The answer to that question really determines whether you should ignore their gross comments or whether you shouldn’t because it might get you shot.

“Have you ever heard of Herbalife?”

Use this opportunity of organic engagement to plug your business.

“Marry me.”

Come on. Don’t be a bitch! Smile and take the ring, baby.

“Thank you for your interest, but I’m not accepting applicants at this time.”

Just jot down their contact info in case the position opens up in the future.

“Yes, Mr. President, I’m on my way.”

Pretending you just got a direct call from the president is great for scaring off catcallers, who definitely won’t want to tangle with the Secret Service.

“No, thank you.”

Proper etiquette goes a long way toward creating and maintaining social boundaries, as well as demonstrating your commitment to being unapproachable.

“You look just like my son.”

Don’t waste your time trying to convince them that you deserve respect because you’re a human being. Simply imply that you have a man in your life, and the catcaller will begin to respect you by proxy.

“Good morning, Your Honor.”

Avoid eye contact, because it will just make Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh scream obscenities at you even more.

“Can we just skip to the part where you murder me?”

Seriously. It’s just easier that way!