What To Say If You’re Not Comfortable Traveling During Covid-19

What To Say If You’re Not Comfortable Traveling During Covid-19

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With the resurgence of the novel coronavirus, the thought of boarding a plane, bus, or train can be quite daunting. Here’s what to say if you’re not comfortable traveling during the Covid-19 pandemic.

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“I look forward to seeing you if our civilization endures.”

“I look forward to seeing you if our civilization endures.”

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Assure them that it’s not personal and that you’ll jump on a plane in the event the virus doesn’t end everything.

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“I’ve already made plans to have Covid-19 then.”

“I’ve already made plans to have Covid-19 then.”

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This is an unassailable excuse, and it’s up to you whether or not to follow up by actually contracting the disease.

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“If I didn’t give you guys Covid last year, I don’t see the point in trying again.”

“If I didn’t give you guys Covid last year, I don’t see the point in trying again.”

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You gave it your best, but some things just aren’t meant to be.

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“I’m on the no-fly list because of my acts of terrorism.”

“I’m on the no-fly list because of my acts of terrorism.”

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That’ll do it.

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“Sorry, I’m buried alive.”

“Sorry, I’m buried alive.”

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Explain that the decision isn’t yours and that you’re packed in dirt at the bottom of a pit with about an hour of air left.

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“Can’t we just hate each other and become estranged like a normal family?”

“Can’t we just hate each other and become estranged like a normal family?”

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If only it were that easy.

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“The risks of traveling are relatively small, but you’re still not worth it.”

“The risks of traveling are relatively small, but you’re still not worth it.”

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You’re vaccinated, boosted, and in good health to begin with, but any risk is too much for these people.

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“You’re welcome to have your wedding at my place.”

“You’re welcome to have your wedding at my place.”

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Explain to the couple that you’d be happy to host their nuptials in your studio apartment if they disinvite 150 guests.

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“Dr. Fauci warned me about this in a dream.”

“Dr. Fauci warned me about this in a dream.”

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When the nation’s top infectious disease expert appears to you in a vision, you listen.

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“I’m not comfortable removing my mask to siphon gas for my car.”

“I’m not comfortable removing my mask to siphon gas for my car.”

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It’s an airborne pandemic, so putting your lips to a dirty plastic hose is a big risk.

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“My pack mule hasn’t had its booster shot yet.”

“My pack mule hasn’t had its booster shot yet.”

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Better not risk it.

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“I’ve always been a neurotic person. One time 800,000 kids drowned at the beach by my house, and I didn’t go in the water all summer.”

“I’ve always been a neurotic person. One time 800,000 kids drowned at the beach by my house, and I didn’t go in the water all summer.”

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At least you can admit your hang-ups.

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“While there is a low percentage chance I’ll die of Covid-19, there is a 0% chance I’ll enjoy Scottsdale.”

“While there is a low percentage chance I’ll die of Covid-19, there is a 0% chance I’ll enjoy Scottsdale.”

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Numbers don’t lie.

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“Please enjoy this photograph of a dog wearing a hat.”

“Please enjoy this photograph of a dog wearing a hat.”

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Oh hell yes, everyone loves that.

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“I’ll travel next pandemic.”

“I’ll travel next pandemic.”

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Just procrastinate until the next crippling global health emergency.

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“Sorry, I can’t understand you through your mask.”

“Sorry, I can’t understand you through your mask.”

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Now imagine a whole trip like that.

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“Same deal as 2020.”

“Same deal as 2020.”

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Fortunately, the pandemic has lingered so long that you can just refer people to whatever you said last year.

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“I’m not comfortable traveling during Covid-19.”

“I’m not comfortable traveling during Covid-19.”

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You know what, never mind, tell them your dog died.

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