What To Say If You’re Not Comfortable Traveling During Covid-19

Assure them that it’s not personal and that you’ll jump on a plane in the event the virus doesn’t end everything.

This is an unassailable excuse, and it’s up to you whether or not to follow up by actually contracting the disease.

You gave it your best, but some things just aren’t meant to be.

That’ll do it.

Explain that the decision isn’t yours and that you’re packed in dirt at the bottom of a pit with about an hour of air left.

If only it were that easy.

You’re vaccinated, boosted, and in good health to begin with, but any risk is too much for these people.

Explain to the couple that you’d be happy to host their nuptials in your studio apartment if they disinvite 150 guests.

When the nation’s top infectious disease expert appears to you in a vision, you listen.

It’s an airborne pandemic, so putting your lips to a dirty plastic hose is a big risk.

Better not risk it.

At least you can admit your hang-ups.

Numbers don’t lie.

Oh hell yes, everyone loves that.

Just procrastinate until the next crippling global health emergency.

Now imagine a whole trip like that.

Fortunately, the pandemic has lingered so long that you can just refer people to whatever you said last year.

You know what, never mind, tell them your dog died.