What To Say If You Want To Dump Your Therapist

What To Say If You Want To Dump Your Therapist

We may earn a commission from links on this page.
Image for article titled What To Say If You Want To Dump Your Therapist

Breaking up with your therapist can be incredibly difficult, and it’s sometimes hard to know exactly what to say. Here are some helpful ways to break the news, and tell them that it’s time for you to get help from someone new.

Advertisement

2 / 25

“I killed myself.”

“I killed myself.”

Image for article titled What To Say If You Want To Dump Your Therapist

It’s a bit extreme, but your therapist can’t be that good if she didn’t see the warning signs.

Advertisement

3 / 25

“It’s not you, it’s my insurance provider.”

“It’s not you, it’s my insurance provider.”

Image for article titled What To Say If You Want To Dump Your Therapist

This excuse is extremely plausible and prevents hurt feelings.

Advertisement

4 / 25

“Things are actually getting kind of serious with my cardiologist.”

“Things are actually getting kind of serious with my cardiologist.”

Image for article titled What To Say If You Want To Dump Your Therapist

Best to focus on one relationship at a time.

Advertisement

5 / 25

“[Subject: Ending Therapy]”

“[Subject: Ending Therapy]”

Image for article titled What To Say If You Want To Dump Your Therapist

Or whatever. It’s an email. You weren’t seriously going to do this shit in person, were you?

Advertisement

6 / 25

“I think I’ve done all I can to ignore all of your advice.”

“I think I’ve done all I can to ignore all of your advice.”

Image for article titled What To Say If You Want To Dump Your Therapist

If a patient has ignored all of your advice, what more can a therapist ask for?

Advertisement

7 / 25

“Later, hombre.”

“Later, hombre.”

Image for article titled What To Say If You Want To Dump Your Therapist

Just keep it chill.

Advertisement

8 / 25

“Hey, you tried your best.”

“Hey, you tried your best.”

Image for article titled What To Say If You Want To Dump Your Therapist

It’s always smart to bookend bad news with a compliment.

Advertisement

9 / 25

“Tomorrow I ship off to war.”

“Tomorrow I ship off to war.”

Image for article titled What To Say If You Want To Dump Your Therapist

Your therapist will just assume you died in a brave act of selfless defense of the nation.

Advertisement

10 / 25

“I’ve been doing a lot better”

“I’ve been doing a lot better”

Image for article titled What To Say If You Want To Dump Your Therapist

This won’t be the first time you’ve lied to your therapist.

Advertisement

11 / 25

“Brach’s was founded in 1904—I’d like to discontinue therapy—by German immigrant Emil J. Brach, who invested $1,000 to open a candy store called Palace of Sweets...”

“Brach’s was founded in 1904—I’d like to discontinue therapy—by German immigrant Emil J. Brach, who invested $1,000 to open a candy store called Palace of Sweets...”

Image for article titled What To Say If You Want To Dump Your Therapist

Soften the blow by casually inserting the breakup in a much longer history of Brach’s Confections.

Advertisement

12 / 25

Nothing.

Nothing.

Image for article titled What To Say If You Want To Dump Your Therapist

Sometimes it’s easier to just stop showing up and then ignore all their calls. If you haven’t overcome your fear of confrontation by now, that’s kind of on them.

Advertisement

13 / 25

“You’ll find another pathetic loser in no time.”

“You’ll find another pathetic loser in no time.”

Image for article titled What To Say If You Want To Dump Your Therapist

Your therapist can only dream.

Advertisement

14 / 25

If we’re both not seeing anyone else 10 years, maybe we could get back together.”

If we’re both not seeing anyone else 10 years, maybe we could get back together.”

Image for article titled What To Say If You Want To Dump Your Therapist

Good to leave the door open. 

Advertisement

15 / 25

“I wanted someone who could tell me my future.”

“I wanted someone who could tell me my future.”

Image for article titled What To Say If You Want To Dump Your Therapist

Maybe they can refer you to a clinician with psychic abilities.

Advertisement

16 / 25

“I’ve experienced ego death through a week long psychedelic retreat.”

“I’ve experienced ego death through a week long psychedelic retreat.”

Image for article titled What To Say If You Want To Dump Your Therapist

Say no more. Hell, you could be their therapist now.

Advertisement

17 / 25

“I am to be married to King Henry VIII on the morrow.”

“I am to be married to King Henry VIII on the morrow.”

Image for article titled What To Say If You Want To Dump Your Therapist

Once you are of the royal House of Tudor, your troubles will cease.

Advertisement

18 / 25

“I won’t be killing myself this month after all.”

“I won’t be killing myself this month after all.”

Image for article titled What To Say If You Want To Dump Your Therapist

Plans change, and mental health professions need to know that and be flexible.

Advertisement

19 / 25

“I’ve been seeing a psychiatrist.”

“I’ve been seeing a psychiatrist.”

Image for article titled What To Say If You Want To Dump Your Therapist

Trading up for an MD will definitely hit ‘em right where it hurts.

Advertisement

20 / 25

“I was killed two years ago in Afghanistan.”

“I was killed two years ago in Afghanistan.”

Image for article titled What To Say If You Want To Dump Your Therapist

It’d be really gross of them to challenge the integrity of a fallen soldier.

Advertisement

21 / 25

“It’s my turn to be your therapist.”

“It’s my turn to be your therapist.”

Image for article titled What To Say If You Want To Dump Your Therapist

They’re not going to let you turn the tables on them, or if they do, at least you’ll be getting paid.

Advertisement

22 / 25

“My dad died.”

“My dad died.”

Image for article titled What To Say If You Want To Dump Your Therapist

Sounds like the cause of all your emotional traumas is taken care of! 

Advertisement

23 / 25

“I no longer wish to see you.”

“I no longer wish to see you.”

Image for article titled What To Say If You Want To Dump Your Therapist

Time to find out whether all that advice to be honest and direct about your needs was real.

Advertisement

24 / 25

“I’ve decided to give up on myself.”

“I’ve decided to give up on myself.”

Image for article titled What To Say If You Want To Dump Your Therapist

Honesty is the best policy.

Advertisement

25 / 25