What To Say If Your Boss Asks You To Work On Christmas

What To Say If Your Boss Asks You To Work On Christmas

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If America is going to be a Christian nation, you sure as hell better get the day off. Here’s what to tell your boss if they ask you to work on Christmas day.

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“But I was going to ask you to work Christmas!”

“But I was going to ask you to work Christmas!”

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Maybe some Gift Of The Magi serendipity will soften your boss’ cold heart.

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“That’s the day I’m being deployed for the war on Christmas.”

“That’s the day I’m being deployed for the war on Christmas.”

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Remind your boss that you’re also a sergeant in the ongoing war on Christmas and that you’ll be busy fighting to make sure everyone has an agnostic day on Dec. 25.

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“That’s my birthday.”

“That’s my birthday.”

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Your boss won’t ask you to work if they know you’re Mr. Christ himself.

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“I actually have a thing that day.”

“I actually have a thing that day.”

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Keep them guessing; you don’t owe anyone an explanation.

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“But I have a family!”

“But I have a family!”

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This will guilt him into thinking you still talk to your family.

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“Only if I’m paid a minuscule amount.”

“Only if I’m paid a minuscule amount.”

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This Christmas, give your employer the gift of labor exploitation.

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“That’s not what my friend Mr. Washington told me.”

“That’s not what my friend Mr. Washington told me.”

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Keep this on the hush-hush, but your boss will happily accept a bribe of one U.S. dollar.

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“Fuck you, bitch—that’s the Lord’s day!”

“Fuck you, bitch—that’s the Lord’s day!”

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It’s important to put that bitch in his place.

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“But I’m LeBron James.”

“But I’m LeBron James.”

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Yes, LeBron. You always play on Christmas.

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“Joke’s on you! I’m Jewish!”

“Joke’s on you! I’m Jewish!”

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Even if you’re not Jewish, claiming Judaism as your faith is a foolproof way to stick it to management.

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“Out of office from Dec. 20 to Jan 3.”

“Out of office from Dec. 20 to Jan 3.”

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An email auto-reply should get your boss off your back for at least an hour or so.

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“My other minimum-wage job asked me to work already.”

“My other minimum-wage job asked me to work already.”

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The struggle of having two part-time jobs to make ends meet is when they both want to underpay you and make you work on holidays.

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“Yes, sir, it’d be my honor”

“Yes, sir, it’d be my honor”

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This might just be easiest if you’re a total kissass.

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“I can make up by working on Valentine’s Day!”

“I can make up by working on Valentine’s Day!”

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Everyone knows you won’t get a date then anyways.

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“Only if you get me a gift.”

“Only if you get me a gift.”

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The work is your gift, bum.

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“I better be getting at least one free donut out of this.”

“I better be getting at least one free donut out of this.”

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Don’t be afraid to tell them that you know your worth.

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“I didn’t wanna see my kids, anyway.”

“I didn’t wanna see my kids, anyway.”

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Children learn best from an absent parent.

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“Okay.”

“Okay.”

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Bosses should always be respected.

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