If America is going to be a Christian nation, you sure as hell better get the day off. Here’s what to tell your boss if they ask you to work on Christmas day.
“But I was going to ask you to work Christmas!”
Maybe some Gift Of The Magi serendipity will soften your boss’ cold heart.
“That’s the day I’m being deployed for the war on Christmas.”
Remind your boss that you’re also a sergeant in the ongoing war on Christmas and that you’ll be busy fighting to make sure everyone has an agnostic day on Dec. 25.
“That’s my birthday.”
Your boss won’t ask you to work if they know you’re Mr. Christ himself.
“I actually have a thing that day.”
Keep them guessing; you don’t owe anyone an explanation.
“But I have a family!”
This will guilt him into thinking you still talk to your family.
“Only if I’m paid a minuscule amount.”
This Christmas, give your employer the gift of labor exploitation.
“That’s not what my friend Mr. Washington told me.”
Keep this on the hush-hush, but your boss will happily accept a bribe of one U.S. dollar.
“Fuck you, bitch—that’s the Lord’s day!”
It’s important to put that bitch in his place.
“But I’m LeBron James.”
Yes, LeBron. You always play on Christmas.
“Joke’s on you! I’m Jewish!”
Even if you’re not Jewish, claiming Judaism as your faith is a foolproof way to stick it to management.
“Out of office from Dec. 20 to Jan 3.”
An email auto-reply should get your boss off your back for at least an hour or so.
“My other minimum-wage job asked me to work already.”
The struggle of having two part-time jobs to make ends meet is when they both want to underpay you and make you work on holidays.
“Yes, sir, it’d be my honor”
This might just be easiest if you’re a total kissass.
“I can make up by working on Valentine’s Day!”
Everyone knows you won’t get a date then anyways.
“Only if you get me a gift.”
The work is your gift, bum.
“I better be getting at least one free donut out of this.”
Don’t be afraid to tell them that you know your worth.
“I didn’t wanna see my kids, anyway.”
Children learn best from an absent parent.
Bosses should always be respected.