What To Say If Your Child Asks If You’re Rich

Sure, a lot of upper middle class people have a helicopter.

It’s not a gambling addiction if the whole family’s involved!

Teach your child early on that if they want to be a part of your family, they’ll oppose any increase to the upper marginal tax rates that would help fund our country’s most desperately needed social programs.

They’re probably not, but your answer definitely depends on making sure.

This will simultaneously communicate where they stand and how they should feel about the lower classes.

This is what real rich people say.

If you were rich, the restaurant you’re at would have all three Michelin stars.

The fewer people who know the truth, the better.

It’s called an allowance, dad.

They’ll have a better grasp on the estate’s financial situation.

You don’t pay retainer fees for nothing.

Research shows that being forthright about looming felony indictments is better for a child’s development.

They’ll figure it out eventually.

Then pull a shiny quarter out of their ear to distract them.

Encouraging your child to pursue a career in philosophy is as clear a response as any that you are as rich as they come.

Even though you’re in the top 5% in the country, you’re practically the laughing stock of the Hamptons.

We started from the bottom and now we’re here.

Sadly, most kids are broke as shit.