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“Wowza, someone’s in a pickle!”
“Wowza, someone’s in a pickle!”
Can’t go wrong with a simple, heartfelt declaration of support.
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“You got an abortion guy?”
“You got an abortion guy?”
If they decide to go through with it, you got a buddy who does great work.
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“You need to have sex first.”
“You need to have sex first.”
This is an important first step that can easily be missed.
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“You live in Rhode Island.”
“You live in Rhode Island.”
Calm their nerves by reminding them that they possess fundamental human rights based solely on the state they happen to reside in.
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“You have the right to remain silent.”
“You have the right to remain silent.”
Hey, they knew the law.
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“If you need a ride, I’ll need gas money.”
“If you need a ride, I’ll need gas money.”
Set boundaries early and often.
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“Cool, so where are we having lunch?”
“Cool, so where are we having lunch?”
Mexican? Thai? There are so many options.
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“Remember when you got an AirPod stuck up there?”
“Remember when you got an AirPod stuck up there?”
Pregnancy won’t seem like such a big deal when they’re reminded of the times they’ve fucked up much worse.
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“Have you considered carrying the baby to term, then leaving it swaddled in a basket on the steps of a convent?”
“Have you considered carrying the baby to term, then leaving it swaddled in a basket on the steps of a convent?”
Make sure they’re aware of all their options, including those that involve their would-be child being raised by a friendly cohort of nuns.
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“Can you do that here?”
“Can you do that here?”
If not, the decision is already made for them.
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“You can schedule yours for the same day as mine, and we can be abortion buddies!”
“You can schedule yours for the same day as mine, and we can be abortion buddies!”
Having a physical support system at the clinic is important.
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“Did you know that at 10 weeks your baby’s the size of a wasp?”
“Did you know that at 10 weeks your baby’s the size of a wasp?”
If they don’t seem concerned, remind them that by week 11 it’ll be the size of an even bigger wasp.
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“Well, I trust you to make the right decision, and you can trust me, our laws, and our healthcare system to support whatever you choose to do.”
“Well, I trust you to make the right decision, and you can trust me, our laws, and our healthcare system to support whatever you choose to do.”
This statement only applies if you live in Canada.
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“No matter what you decide, remember that society will find a way to look down on you for it.”
“No matter what you decide, remember that society will find a way to look down on you for it.”
So just don’t worry about it.
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“Look, I’ll pay for the whole thing, okay? Please just get this taken care of before the election.”
“Look, I’ll pay for the whole thing, okay? Please just get this taken care of before the election.”
Having a baby out of wedlock could really put a damper on the whole “family values” aspect of your campaign.
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“If you need me for any reason at all, I can squeeze you in three weeks from Tuesday.”
“If you need me for any reason at all, I can squeeze you in three weeks from Tuesday.”
Let them know you’re there for them, but your schedule’s crazy these days.
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“A great dish for pondering this decision is our lobster bisque.”
“A great dish for pondering this decision is our lobster bisque.”
Never miss an opportunity to advertise the soup of the day.
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“It’s your body, your choice.”
“It’s your body, your choice.”
Then share a good laugh since you both live in Texas.
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