What To Say When Someone Asks Why You Don’t Have Kids

Unless they’re a doctor, chances are they’re not going to want to hear about all your messed-up holes and tubes.

Many people don’t know it but clumsiness during in-vitro fertilization is actually the number-one cause of infertility in humans.

No matter what, they’ll have to respect your devotion to religion.

Everyone knows that someone asking why you don’t have kids is really just a polite way of asking for your thoughts on the Denver Broncos.

A lot of people are completely unaware that the optimal time for birthing children is between April and August.

People forget that it’s pretty easy to miss your partner’s vagina during intercourse while trying to conceive if you don’t know how to aim or where to put it.

Just hope they didn’t take biology in high school or else they may call you out on your bluff.

If you’re fortunate enough to be Casey Anthony, you will never have to answer this question.

Self-explanatory.

Anyone will appreciate and respect the empathy and thoughtfulness of this answer.

The point of having a kid is to post every waking moment of their life on Instagram, so if you don’t have a profile, there’s not much use to bringing new life into this world.

A bit of an overshare but should prevent any further questions into your personal life.

Then pull several children from your top hat to the delight of everyone watching.

You can never think too far ahead when it comes to family planning.

No one wants to have sex after a big sloppy meatball sub.

Most parents will egregiously bet on a three of a kind on the turn and then lose to a full house.

This will rattle anyone who asks, making them instantly regret bringing up such a sensitive topic.

This simple answer allows you to exit the conversation and pretend to sprint away, screaming for your unattended child.