What To Say When Someone Tells You To Lose Weight

Let your choices with your body conform to your own personal goals, not anyone else’s!

Unless you’re ready to deal with decades of suppressed intergenerational trauma, just nod and smile.

Statistically, this is likely true.

Banishing your physician to the dungeon will have him think twice about making comments about your obesity and the future of the throne.

Full-body weight loss is too much of an ask, so make sure they specify which limb they’d like you to focus on shrinking.

Make them explain death.

That’ll certainly give them something to think about as you digest them.

Your platoon is being hit by enemy fire but your chopper can’t take off unless one of you stays behind and lightens the load.

You’re not, but your asshole husband doesn’t need to know that right now.

Not only will they feel like an idiot for not noticing all your layers, you’ll also be showing off how rich in outerwear you are.

These are the moments you’ll always cherish.

Disarm the negativity with a light touch, and then show them the human hand you carry around that you call leftovers.

The weight can’t just disappear, it needs to go somewhere.

If you are nothing, be proud of it and come right out and say it!

Remind the body-shamer that they blew the Ravens’ chance at overtime and a shot at Super Bowl XLVI.”

Way to make things super awkward on Christmas.

If the Gettysburg Address helped Lincoln ease post-civil war tensions, why can’t you use it in your daily life?

Both a powerful message of self-acceptance and a great way to end the conversation.