Though the average American generates 4.3 pounds of trash per day, few people know what happens to their garbage once they throw it out. The Onion breaks down the steps involved in the surprisingly complex process of waste disposal and management:
STEP 1
Nation opts to buy new one instead of fixing old one
STEP 2
Garbage truck takes circuitous path to landfill in order to shake any undercover reporters on its tail
STEP 3
Contents of neighborhood recycling program mixed in
STEP 4
Entire staff of waste management facility stops what they’re doing to watch trash compactor do its thing
STEP 5
This week’s haul joins previous loads in your ancestral landfill plot
STEP 6
Seagulls go fucking nuts
STEP 7
Trash from Renaissance era finishes decomposing
STEP 8
Everything given time to really marinate in its juices before slipping below the water table
STEP 9
Americans spend weekend shopping