A Wedding DJ

As we look out across this dance floor, and across the broader spectrum of our culture, it is tempting to conclude we are a nation hopelessly divided. After all, the issues that separate us are very real. However, I refuse to believe we will find solutions to our problems by retreating further into our respective bubbles. So today I ask one thing of you: Whether you lean to the right or the left, please come together and cha-cha real smooth.

I know to many of you here I must sound hopelessly naïve in my calls for unity. Our national discourse has grown so contentious that it often seems impossible to take it back now, y’all, and hop even one time in unison with your fellow man. But I, for one, believe now is not the time for more cynicism—no, now it’s time to crisscross, crisscross.

Come on, y’all, check it out.

It may be a cliché, but surely there is far more that unites us than divides us. I believe the vast majority of Americans still want to stomp, clap, and slide. Some want to slide to the left, and some want to slide to the right, but we all want what’s best for our children and for our future. So instead of fighting, I say we reverse, reverse, and try to better understand one another.

If you agree with me—if any of this is getting through at all—then please, cha-cha now, y’all. Turn it out to the left. And right foot, let’s stomp. Listen, nobody ever said this would be easy. But when the stakes are this high, it’s sometimes necessary to swallow your pride, take five hops this time, and freeze.

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Now, everybody, clap your hands.

Clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap.

Of course, this won’t be a process that happens overnight. How low can we go if we never learn to embrace our differences? All the way to the floor? Can we bring it to the top if we never, never stop prioritizing our own selfish motives over the needs of others? No. We must band together, with hands on our knees, hands on our knees, as we get funky with it, awwwwwwwww yeah, and cha-cha real smooth into a new age of mutual understanding and goodwill.

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Let’s go to work.