White House Aides Frantically Demand Major Biden Drop Hellfire Missile From Mouth

Illustration for article titled White House Aides Frantically Demand Major Biden Drop Hellfire Missile From Mouth

WASHINGTON— Chasing the canine around the Rose Garden as he refused to let go of the warhead, frantic White House aides were reportedly demanding Monday that Major Biden drop a Hellfire missile he was carrying in his mouth. “Drop it, Major! Drop it now!” said a sweating, out-of-breath Bruce Reed, White House deputy chief of staff, trying to wrangle the high-explosive, anti-tank missile out of the German shepherd’s jaws as it shook its head, growled, and further sunk its teeth into the armament’s casing. “You’re being a very bad boy right now. Come on, why won’t you drop it?! I’ll give you a treat!” After finally getting Major to release the projectile, the White House sadly determined the Hellfire missile was too chewed-up and drool-covered to sell to Israel.