BOSTON—As the federal jury in the racketeering trial against James “Whitey” Bulger handed down its verdict Monday, famed actor and filmmaker Ben Affleck interrupted the proceedings by shouting out commands from a director’s chair in the balcony, courtroom sources reported. “Cut! Okay, that was good, but let’s run it again—Whitey, do you think you could give us a tiny little smirk after the foreman says guilty?” said The Town and Gone Baby Gone director, aiming a megaphone at the aging South Boston crime lord convicted on numerous counts of conspiracy, money laundering, and extortion, as well as 11 murder charges. “You’re doing great, but you came off just a little too remorseful that time. Maintain eye contact with the jurors like you’re really trying to intimidate them. Also, Bryan, we’re going to need a little more backlight on the judge. Let’s take it again.” Affleck later confirmed that Whitey will hit theaters in time for awards season.
More from The Onion