Who Is Marco Rubio?

Illustration for article titled Who Is Marco Rubio?

Following similar announcements by Ted Cruz and Rand Paul, Senator Marco Rubio (R-FL) has become the third GOP candidate to declare his bid in the 2016 presidential race. The Onion breaks down what you should know about Rubio:

  • Campaign Slogan: “Laying the groundwork for 2020”
  • Campaign Strategy: Leverage Latino voter base, large-scale grassroots movement, death of Jeb Bush
  • Vision: Ready for America to reclaim strong conservative values held by 38 percent of its populace
  • Birthplace: Closed-door conservative think tank strategy session in 2010
  • Supporters: Good, hardworking, extremely wealthy Americans
  • Signature Issue: Strongly in favor of Marco Rubio being president
  • Biggest Liability: Close ties to state of Florida
  • Ideas For Turning This Country Around: 4
  • Conservative Voting Record: Will downplay or proudly stand by it as necessary
  • Stance On Welfare: Strongly favors increasing support to beleaguered corporations
  • High School Yearbook Superlative: Most Likely To Take 11% Share Of Vote In 2016 Iowa Caucus