SANFORD, ME—Explaining that society’s stance on human morals had varied greatly even over his own lifetime, local man Greg Handley, 46, reportedly asked, “Who knows what future generations might judge us for?” Thursday as he abducted another child to strangle in his basement. “You just can’t drive yourself crazy thinking about what the next generation might think about you—you never know how that sort of stuff might change,” Handley said as he prepared the chloroform-soaked cloth that would allow him to imprison another young boy in his dank, unlit basement, stressing that just as once-commonplace practices such as slavery and eugenics were now seen as clearly abhorrent by modern people, it was “impossible to know” which of his actions might be looked upon harshly rather than favorably. “Ethics are relative to a specific time and place. That’s just a fact. And so, yeah, maybe people like me who drive gas-guzzling vans will be seen as monsters in a century or two. Or maybe I’ll be seen as a good guy. Maybe everything they’ll find in my freezer will paint me as a hero. Possibly not. As always, the truth is probably somewhere in between.” Handley concluded that the best solution was to simply live your own life as well as you could and perhaps eat a few children along the way.