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2 / 48
This is a hard hat area! Being back here without wearing the standard safety equipment is very dangerous!
This is a hard hat area! Being back here without wearing the standard safety equipment is very dangerous!
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3 / 48
Hey, get away from those pipes! Get out of here!
Hey, get away from those pipes! Get out of here!
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4 / 48
GET OUT! NO ONE IS SUPPOSED TO SEE OUR EMPTY OFFICE AND QUESTION OUR DILIGENCE!!!
GET OUT! NO ONE IS SUPPOSED TO SEE OUR EMPTY OFFICE AND QUESTION OUR DILIGENCE!!!
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5 / 48
Uh, excuse us. You don’t have clearance to be this deep into the site’s back end! This is for employees only.
Uh, excuse us. You don’t have clearance to be this deep into the site’s back end! This is for employees only.
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6 / 48
Hands off! You can’t possibly know how much that piece of code is worth.
Hands off! You can’t possibly know how much that piece of code is worth.
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7 / 48
Whoa whoa whoa, employees only.
Whoa whoa whoa, employees only.
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8 / 48
You cannot be back here with our delicious banana split if you’re not wearing a name badge!
You cannot be back here with our delicious banana split if you’re not wearing a name badge!
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9 / 48
The Onion’s torture dungeon is for employees only! Please go back to our visitors area!
The Onion’s torture dungeon is for employees only! Please go back to our visitors area!
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10 / 48
Don’t touch that button! What are you thinking?
Don’t touch that button! What are you thinking?
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11 / 48
Listen, buddy, we’re going to need some identification.
Listen, buddy, we’re going to need some identification.
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12 / 48
Okay, wise guy. What’s the password?
Okay, wise guy. What’s the password?
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13 / 48
No, it’s not “The Onion.”
No, it’s not “The Onion.”
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14 / 48
No, it’s not “Onion123.”
No, it’s not “Onion123.”
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15 / 48
You say you work for this website, huh? Well, we’ve certainly never seen you around before.
You say you work for this website, huh? Well, we’ve certainly never seen you around before.
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16 / 48
Hey, wait a minute. That’s not a badge at all. It’s a soft-shell crab!
Hey, wait a minute. That’s not a badge at all. It’s a soft-shell crab!
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17 / 48
Get your eye up close to this. We’ll need to do a retina scan.
Get your eye up close to this. We’ll need to do a retina scan.
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18 / 48
Look, we understand people make mistakes. Turn around now, and we’ll forget this ever happened.
Look, we understand people make mistakes. Turn around now, and we’ll forget this ever happened.
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19 / 48
Actually, this one is okay for you to see. We’ve been working on a recipe for chicken au poivre, but honestly, we’re probably not going to do anything much with it, so it’s not really a secret.
Actually, this one is okay for you to see. We’ve been working on a recipe for chicken au poivre, but honestly, we’re probably not going to do anything much with it, so it’s not really a secret.
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20 / 48
Do not touch anything. Even the slightest disturbance to the code can have profound consequences, not only for our website, but the entire internet, and indeed, the world.
Do not touch anything. Even the slightest disturbance to the code can have profound consequences, not only for our website, but the entire internet, and indeed, the world.
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21 / 48
IT’S A TRAP!
IT’S A TRAP!
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22 / 48
You shouldn’t be looking at this stuff. This is all way above even our pay grade.
You shouldn’t be looking at this stuff. This is all way above even our pay grade.
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23 / 48
Don’t touch that! You’re not authorized!
Don’t touch that! You’re not authorized!
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24 / 48
That’s it. We’re calling security. Someone get this asshole!
That’s it. We’re calling security. Someone get this asshole!
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25 / 48
Please tell us you didn’t push this exactly 82 times!
Please tell us you didn’t push this exactly 82 times!
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26 / 48
Oh great, now we’ve got company.
Oh great, now we’ve got company.
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27 / 48
We’re not doctors, so we’re going to have to just puncture your brain until your memories of this are gone.
We’re not doctors, so we’re going to have to just puncture your brain until your memories of this are gone.
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28 / 48
Maybe we should’ve labeled this door “No Entry” instead of just “Door.” That one’s on us.”
Maybe we should’ve labeled this door “No Entry” instead of just “Door.” That one’s on us.”
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29 / 48
Hey! I was changing! Get out of here, pervert! Police! Police!
Hey! I was changing! Get out of here, pervert! Police! Police!
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30 / 48
We admit, we did not see that spin move coming. You’re quite spry. We’ll give you that.
We admit, we did not see that spin move coming. You’re quite spry. We’ll give you that.
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31 / 48
Did Carmine send you? We already squared our debt with the Morettis—we were told we’d be left alone.
Did Carmine send you? We already squared our debt with the Morettis—we were told we’d be left alone.
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32 / 48
Did you take all the health and ammo back here?
Did you take all the health and ammo back here?
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33 / 48
Do NOT help him!!! SCRAM!!!
Do NOT help him!!! SCRAM!!!
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34 / 48
Gimme three fingers of Gordon’s, Mick. Say, you ain’t Mick. What gives?
Gimme three fingers of Gordon’s, Mick. Say, you ain’t Mick. What gives?
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35 / 48
Wait. No! You’re not supposed to see this!
Wait. No! You’re not supposed to see this!
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36 / 48
That is the Forbidden One. You do NOT look into his eyes.
That is the Forbidden One. You do NOT look into his eyes.
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37 / 48
You’re not allowed to do this, sir!
You’re not allowed to do this, sir!
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38 / 48
Wait, how have you not been turned to dust? Are you…the Chosen One?
Wait, how have you not been turned to dust? Are you…the Chosen One?
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39 / 48
Well, even if you are the one the legends foretold, you still do not have a name badge, and we must ask you to leave.
Well, even if you are the one the legends foretold, you still do not have a name badge, and we must ask you to leave.
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40 / 48
Hey, it’s me, Ronan Farrow. I’ve gone undercover to expose the seedy underbelly of The Onion. Don’t tell anyone you saw me, okay?
Hey, it’s me, Ronan Farrow. I’ve gone undercover to expose the seedy underbelly of The Onion. Don’t tell anyone you saw me, okay?
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41 / 48
Oh Jesus Christ, you must have stumbled onto the employees-only discount code FLIBFLAB32 for this incredible piece of Onion apparel. You won’t get away with this! We’ll stop you before you go to the Onion Store!
Oh Jesus Christ, you must have stumbled onto the employees-only discount code FLIBFLAB32 for this incredible piece of Onion apparel. You won’t get away with this! We’ll stop you before you go to the Onion Store!
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42 / 48
Who sent you? WHO SENT YOU?!
Who sent you? WHO SENT YOU?!
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43 / 48
Are you lying to us? If you are, we might know. It honestly depends on how good a liar you are.
Are you lying to us? If you are, we might know. It honestly depends on how good a liar you are.
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44 / 48
Fellow hacker here. There isn’t much time. You’re going to need this to blend in.
Fellow hacker here. There isn’t much time. You’re going to need this to blend in.
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45 / 48
Fuck it. Guess you work here now.
Fuck it. Guess you work here now.
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46 / 48
All right, get to work. Take this and make sure that the sources keep their traps shut.
All right, get to work. Take this and make sure that the sources keep their traps shut.
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47 / 48
Oh fuck, you need to get out of here quick. Go this way.
Oh fuck, you need to get out of here quick. Go this way.
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