Illustration for article titled WHO Warns Covid-19 Could Mean End To Blowing Water Through Pool Noodle Into Friends’ Faces

GENEVA—In an effort to prepare people for the “new normal” of life under the continuing threat of Covid-19, the World Health Organization issued a warning Thursday indicating the contagion could make blowing water through a pool noodle into your friends’ faces a relic of the past. “The use of a long foam tube to squirt liquid into the eyes, ears, or mouths of an unsuspecting fellow swimmer is, unfortunately, an efficient vehicle for spreading disease, and so we must accept that the novel coronavirus could mark the end of this cherished summertime ritual,” a statement from the agency read in part, clarifying that even if participants were fitted with personal protective equipment and prescreened with infrared thermometers, it was unlikely that blasting your sister’s suntanning friends with pool water would ever again be a safe activity. “While the playful gesture is deeply engrained in our social experience on a global scale, it is difficult to imagine that we will ever again inhabit a world in which we hear a buddy laughingly say, ‘What the fuck, dude?’ while water splashes across his face, or in which we reply ‘Dude, we’re just having a good time, why do you have to be a dick?’ As such, it is essential we begin readying ourselves for a future in which pool noodles are used solely as flotation devices.” The statement went on to indicate WHO was still working on guidelines to determine whether squishing your palms together on the surface of the pool to make a small stream shoot out would suffer a similar fate.

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