CHICAGO—Visitors to the Art Institute of Chicago reported Saturday that their trip to the celebrated museum was entirely dominated by the guilt they felt for not lingering long on any one painting before moving on to the next. “I know these are masterpieces, and you’re supposed to let their brilliance wash over you while you contemplate their significance, but I really couldn’t make myself stand there for more than a few seconds,” said museum-goer Vernon Bailey, admitting he spent more time reading the placards describing each painting than he did looking at the art itself. “They have all these Monets and Renoirs in there, but I made it through that entire wing in, like, five minutes. By the end I was just blowing past these iconic works—Nighthawks, American Gothic, that really famous pointillist one—and thinking, ‘Okay, done, done, done.’ What’s wrong with me?” Other museum visitors confirmed they couldn’t give a shit about paintings and didn’t mind saying so.

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