My fellow Americans, I don't have to tell you that one of the most overlooked crises facing our nation today is the proliferation of prison sexual abuse.

For example: did you know that, according to Human Rights Watch, almost 1 in 20 inmates are sexually abused at the hands of a fellow prisoner? That's 70,000 people. Even assuming those numbers are artificially low due to underreporting, it still means I'm unluckier than 95% of America's federal prisoners.

Obama, McCain: please think of me.

It's just not fair. Those two can't say enough about reforming prisons when it comes to Abu Ghraib or Gitmo. But ask them about the state of prisoners in America, and it's Lock Them Up And Throw Away The Key. When are they going to answer the tough questions?

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The main one I have for them is: how to give someone who is already in jail for life a reason to stop attacking you.

We have people here from the Aryan Brotherhood, and even a couple from that crazy group, MS-13. I saw a show on these guys about a year ago, and remember thinking to myself how terrible it is when people are violated against their will. Never in my wildest nightmares did I ever think my thoughts would come back to haunt me like this.

Go on, Obama, talk all you want about our prisoner abuse, and how we are violating the Geneva conventions and Blah, Blah, Blah.

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Old Sam Holtzman knows the truth: the real prisoner abuse is right here in America, and it's happening practically every single day now.