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Why More Americans Are Putting Off Having Kids

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A recent study found that the average age for new American parents is up to 26 for mothers and 31 for fathers, both record highs. The Onion looks at the top reasons why more Americans are putting off having kids.

  • Career ostensibly going to start taking off any day now.
  • Family members haven’t asked enough times yet.
  • Saving up for larger child.
  • Men finally getting hang of pulling out.
  • Desire to maintain current four-hours-of-sleep lifestyle.
  • Adults being more realistic about whether their genes worth passing on.
  • Seems pretty played out at this point.
  • Cuts in sex ed resulting in more couples being completely unaware of how to conceive.
  • Holding out for Sean to leave wife like he promised.
  • Want to figure out what happened to the last few first.
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