SACRAMENTO, CA—Planning out an itinerary for the next time it was in the area, a wildfire was reportedly hard at work Monday making a list of spots to hit on its return trip to California next summer. “I’ve been to a lot of the national forests at this point, but I could really see myself making my way to San Francisco when the weather gets a little warmer,” said the blazing inferno, confirming its intention to spend next July speeding down the Pacific Coast Highway and taking in every inch of the natural beauty. “Of course, there are also so many places in Los Angeles that I’d love to visit—tons of great hiking trails, the Getty Museum, maybe even a tour of some celebrity homes in the Hollywood Hills. And I know it’s a cliché at this point, but there’s no way I’m going to California without going through wine country again.” At press time, the wildfire had realized that it was already spending so much time on the west coast it might as well stay all year round.