Wolf Blitzer Announces Grim Milestone As Number Of Covid-19 Deaths Surpasses Jelly Beans In Jar

Illustration for article titled Wolf Blitzer Announces Grim Milestone As Number Of Covid-19 Deaths Surpasses Jelly Beans In Jar

NEW YORK—Saying the day served as a sobering reminder of the pandemic’s toll on the nation, CNN anchor Wolf Blitzer announced Monday that the country had reached a grim milestone as the number of Covid-19 deaths surpassed the jelly beans in a nearby glass jar. “Today, we mark a somber occasion as estimates show those Americans dead from the coronavirus reaching—and, yes, actually exceeding—all of the jelly beans combined in this large jar,” said Blitzer, gesturing to the glass container featuring what the news host referred to as a “startling” number of buttered popcorn, A&W Cream Soda, and other flavors of the colorful bean-shaped confections. “If you look at the tutti frutti ones alone—the pink speckled beans—those represent just how many Americans over 65 have passed from disease-related complications. Meanwhile, the non-fruit flavors like cinnamon and root beer are people with no preexisting conditions. Really, it’s astonishing to imagine how many jelly beans might need to fill this jar before this is all over.” Blitzer added that to commemorate the stark moment in American history, CNN would be offering a $50 Menards gift card to any viewer who called in and correctly guessed the jar’s exact number of jelly beans.

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