Illustration for article titled Wolf Blitzer Walks Into Middle Of Olive Garden Commercial To Announce Breaking Election Results

NEW YORK—Briskly striding into frame and interrupting a jubilant family meal, CNN anchor Wolf Blitzer reportedly entered the middle of an Olive Garden commercial airing during the network’s election coverage Tuesday night to announce a late-breaking election result. “Breaking news: CNN is calling Nevada for Hillary Clinton,” said Blitzer, stepping directly in front of a smiling mother passing a heaping plate of fettucine alfredo to her daughter and shushing the laughter of surrounding tables so that he could add that the victory dealt a severe blow to Donald Trump’s chances of reaching the Oval Office. “We are projecting that Secretary Clinton will take the crucial swing state’s six electoral votes, putting her on the inside track to securing the 270 electoral votes needed—hey, excuse me, will you please keep it down?—needed to win the presidency.” At press time, Blitzer was ducking in panic as the Olive Garden logo came swooping into frame.


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