Illustration for article titled Woman Comes Forward With First Allegations Of Biggest Sexual Harassment Scandal Of 2036

NEW YORK—Saying she needed to stand up to the prominent individual for whom she works and “make [her] voice heard,” local woman Ashley Wellig reportedly came forward this week with the first allegations of 2036’s biggest sexual harassment scandal. “This morning I filed a complaint with HR about my boss’s inappropriate and predatory behavior,” said Wellig, whose accusations against the powerful and well-known figure, along with those of dozens of other women that will be filed in the months and years to come, will in two decades’ time spur numerous newspaper exposés, fuel public outcry, and initiate a major lawsuit that will be closely followed by citizens nationwide, including tens of thousands not yet born. “I’ll be talking to authorities soon, so hopefully this terrible situation can be put to rest. I just hope that by speaking out, I can help prevent anyone else from having to experience what I went through.” After providing her account to police, an anxious Wellig reportedly returned home and began to prepare for her court date, a date 6,934 days in the future.


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