KENNESAW, GA—Shuddering at the thought of what eating that much might do to her body, local woman Jessica Hummel was reportedly disgusted Thursday after finding out there were well over 2,000 calories in her recommended daily intake. “Jesus, I knew it was probably a lot, but I didn’t think it would be that bad,” said the 25-year-old graduate student, who visibly recoiled upon learning the number of calories that dietitians, doctors, and nutrition scientists recommended a woman of her age, size, and activity level should consume daily. “It’s seriously 2,200 calories? Unbelievable, I had no idea. I feel sick even thinking about that. And God, are you kidding me, how much sugar? Gross. I don’t know how people do this all the time. No wonder Americans are so fat.” At press time, sources confirmed Hummel had given in to temptation and decided to just eat half.
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