SAN DIEGO—Explaining that she had needed a few months to herself to “get back to the right emotional place,” local woman Laura Berman told reporters Monday she finally felt ready to start receiving completely unsolicited and extremely vulgar messages again. “It was really important to have some time to regroup, but now I think I’m ready to put myself out there again,” said Berman, who stated that, after careful consideration, she has decided to open herself back up to a relentless barrage of sexually explicit and unwelcome emails and texts from strangers. “Call me old-fashioned, but I’m glad I waited until I was mentally prepared to start [opening crude and offensive messages from men who I’ve only spoken to briefly, if at all, that make me feel incredibly uncomfortable, and then after I’ve politely asked them to stop, being bombarded with obscene insults and sometimes violent threats that make me terrified to even look at my phone]. I think it’s time.” At press time, Berman reportedly expressed surprise at how easy it was to get back in the swing of things after opening three consecutive messages containing photos of various unknown men’s genitals.
More from The Onion