CHICAGO—As she gazed into each kennel and let out a deep, regretful sigh, 31-year-old Chicago resident Lisa Kessler told reporters Thursday it broke her heart to think of all the pets in her local shelter who would be put down without ever being dressed like a Ghostbuster. “It’s just so sad that the majority of the dogs in here will be put to sleep, never getting the chance to wear a little tan jumpsuit, a doggy-sized proton pack, or a bushy Harold Ramis wig,” said Kessler, adding that if she had the time and money, she would adopt every animal in the facility, put them in adorable costumes representing all major characters from the 1984 comedy classic and parade them before her friends on Instagram. “That’s something every pet deserves to do once. Even though I’m leaving today with a new dog, it pains me to know so many of those who remain will have their lives cut short before ever getting posed next to a person who is also dressed like a Ghostbuster, or next to a cat dressed like Slimer. Unfortunately, thousands of senior dogs, pit bulls, and Chihuahuas get put down too soon, despite the fact that most of them can still really clean up on Halloween.” Kessler went on to acknowledge that some pets may simply whine and chew at their costumes after they are dressed up, at which point it may indeed be time to take them to a vet and have them euthanized.
More from The Onion