BOONE, NC—Saying it was the only way she could get through two hours of scrubbing blood from the floor, local woman Janet Kessler reportedly put on a true crime podcast Thursday to entertain herself while cleaning up her husband’s entrails. “I know that those types of shows can be a little dark, but there’s just something about playing a true crime podcast that makes chores like disposing of my husband’s dismembered body way more fun,” said Kessler, adding that playing podcasts that featured an array of grizzly unsolved murders was the perfect way to fend off boredom while chopping up the corpse, dissolving it in acid, and washing it down the bathtub to remove any DNA. “I just go on iTunes, pick a random one about a murderous wife, and by the time I’m done, I’ve somehow managed to pick all the skull fragments off the furniture and wash all the viscera off the walls. Sometimes, unless I’ve got a juicy new true crime show, I can’t even bring myself to put on my gloves and get to work destroying evidence.” At press time, sources confirmed Kessler couldn’t decide on a true crime podcast, gave up, and ended up watching ID TV until the police arrived and immediately arrested her.