STANLEY, NM—Scrambling to find a way to be even more blunt, the subconscious of local woman Jessika Toler was reportedly unsure Monday how much more clearly it can communicate that her teeth are going to fall out soon. “I mean, I keep showing her different versions of the same dream where all her teeth fall out, but instead of taking that as an explicit sign she’s about to need dentures, she’s making all these weird, esoteric interpretations,” said Toler’s psyche, noting the woman’s dream journal was filled with page after page of illogical attempts to tie the nightmare to stressors in her waking life, like an upcoming work presentation and her father’s recent health diagnosis. “Some nights I have them all fall out at once. Other times, they feel loose and she spits them out one by one. What else can I do? Sister. Your. Teeth. Are. Falling. Out. Your boyfriend loves you, your finances are in order, so take a hint and go to the goddamn dentist.” At press time, Toler’s panicked subconscious was deciding whether to prioritize a nightmare about her teeth falling out or warning her that she would be naked in her old high school tomorrow.
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